Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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