So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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