how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
