I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
