The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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