Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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