I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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