At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
