She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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