Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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