literally had 100 drinks last night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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