fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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