I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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