Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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