hell yes lets make some ravioli
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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