Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
