Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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