Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
