i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
