Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
