Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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