i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
