This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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