you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
