hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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