Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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