Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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