I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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