you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
