She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
