Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
