11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
