He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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