Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
