i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
