the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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