omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
