She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
