I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
