oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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