I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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