we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
