Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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