The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize