i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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