life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
