I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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