the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
