My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Two words: nipple clamps
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