we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
