Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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