i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
