a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
