sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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