69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
