did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize