My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
