i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pants are for mortals
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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