Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize