Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
