Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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