I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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