No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
