I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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