this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
