i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
