It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
