So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize