Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just crazy horny about you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
