If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
