just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
