So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
